Who I Am

Apparently I’ve been lost,
lost inside myself and torn apart into 
what they think I am, who I really am, and what I want to appear. 
And I act like a bitch, 
sometimes because I think it’s funny,
Sometimes because I feel that way,
Sometimes because I find shelter in such way, 
I make bitchiness my fortress and just laugh it out with the world,
Or so I think so. 
There’s a circus in this society and sometimes I’m the main attraction.
I know they’re all waiting for my reaction, 
and I just put a poker face;
The I-dont-care-about-your-comments-I-know-who-I-am kind of face,
But then I slowly find myself acting in that way, 
dancing along to the music in their charade
Because it’s part of my “I dont care”,
yet deep inside I know it’s just pretend
I act that way, I think that way, I live that way 
and find myself getting hurt in so many different ways,
feeling a discomfort I sometimes label as bipolarity.
Maybe it’s the real me trying to burn its way out of my chest
it’s that light trying to make a path around my twirls. 
I’m not saying I’m a saint, 
but I admit i’ve been playing pretend.
Doing things that made me uncomfortable in many many ways.
Like excepting too much from a puddle in the ground, 
.. love per se.
Because that’s who I am, 
that’s how fragile I can be.
I’m that girl that looks for light in the middle of a tunnel,
Im a fragile sand castle standing in the shore;
I’m a circus freak performing along
society’s perception.
Im that girl who’s lost inside herself
and fools herself to think acting bitchy is the best way, 
even though she knows that’s not who she is and it’s not the best.
Starting today I will be the lady I am,  not the bitch I pretend to be.-
 -poker personality-
.  
Special mention to Miguel A. Diaz.
Thank you!
I wish all my friends were like you.

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