Lonely and I’m cool with it ~

I’ve always been a loner.

Growing up, I never really had many friends in school. Yes, there was the usual everyone’s your friend crap that would happen in any small-sized school, but then again, not really. Knowing a lot of people and being friends with a lot of people are two different things. I’m not saying I did not have any friends, because I did. I had friend over friend and then group over group as my life progressed. And one by one I left them all behind. Now I notice I was never really interested.

I think it started in Middle-School/High School. I was skipped a grade (7th) and was thrown into a bunch of people I didn’t know. I was the youngest, and apparently the smartest. But I’ve never been one to let any of that “If You’re school smart, You’re DEFINITIVELY Life smart” crap go to my head. I barely ever studied, but I had good grades and the highest academic and psychologically-tested (they used to test us at my school) average. That’s the end of it, and not the point of this. Point is I started seeing different characters and personalities. I got my first taste at hypocrisy, among many other things. I got my first taste at many things… I guess back then I sort of noted I was different.

I don’t know. I don’t know what to believe about it, I don’t know why I can’t truly feel connected to anyone for so long. I guess I am weird. I guess I am broken like that. I guess I am meant to travel this world alone.  Maybe I’m just meant to be an alien in my own land.  I guess I’m fucked up. I honestly don’t know. It’s not that I am emo, because I obviously am not. It’s not that I feel superior to others and hence cannot befriend them, because that -obviously- is not the case. It’s not that I have trouble speaking, because I am good at it. I guess I have trouble relating. I have trouble relating to people. Maybe I just have a trouble with people who live around me. My country -or my town- is filled with such troubled people, and it’s hard to find an honest couple of friends. I guess getting betrayed again and again causes people to change. I guess I’m just trying to feel more normal by saying stuff like this. But then again not really. As of right now I feel more comfortable being  friend-less than hanging out with a bunch of people who are full of sh.. Will that be my way of accepting that I am simply not made for that? Being no psychologist, I guess I’ll never know.

I partly enjoy being alone, it gives me inner peace, and THAT is something I do know 🙂

16 thoughts on “Lonely and I’m cool with it ~

  1. Firstly, there is nothing wrong with being a loner. You are comfortable in your own skin and like your own company. You are not attached to someone else or require anyone else to achieve happiness. Secondly, being a loner doesn’t mean you are broken. It actually should mean you are a pretty strong person.

    I am a loner too. I love the company of my friends (a small circle with strong, meaningful relationships) but I also spend a lot of time alone because that is how I have always been. It is my nature and I am content with that.

    1. Thank you for this. I have always thought of it that way, but for some reason I can’t seem to get out of my head a comment made to me years ago by someone who told me that I was always alone because I was a bad person/bad friend. But that girl was a hater, and I should have never listened in the first place. Sometimes It just feels odd, but I am different, and I’m okay with that. Thanks, again for commenting 😀

      1. She just knew what to say to make you feel bad about yourself. Narcissistic people have that ability to say the thing they know will get to you and hurt you and will stay with you. Like I say, don’t be ashamed of being a loner or alone. So long as it isn’t affecting you mentally and you are happy, then it is cool 😎x

      2. Yes, You are completely right!!! THANK YOU 😀 You rock !! I hope you are feeling completely at peace with your loneliness too xp

  2. There’s nothing wrong with being a loner. I used to think there might be; as a result of feeling I was doing something wrong, I’ve developled many theories about it over the years. Some people are lucky, I guess, to possess a kind of inner authority or knowing…it can make playing the game, which most do not even recognize they are playing, somewhat depressing. I guess this inner-authority or the ability to actually have and then trust one’s impressions of the world is both a blessing and a curse.

    1. There truly is nothing wrong with it. There is more wrong in becoming a part of the flock just because you are afraid to be with yourself, and to let your fears, emotions, and thrills be shaped by someone else. And it is true what you said, most do not even recognize the game they are playing… That inner authority, at its finest is, as you said, both a blessing and a curse.

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