Caterpillar to Butterfly

And even though the caterpillar never fathomed flying the skies metamorphosis beautifully transformed her, now she can spread her wings and fly. Resilience, if done right, transforms us in the same way. It allows us to realize our true nature, maximize our potential… a new world opens up for us, we just need to spread our wings and fly, ready to conquer the sky. |H.Santos|

If not now, When ?!

We’ve all had those days. We feel the urge, the need, the desire to do THAT something that makes us feel alive. That something that will make us feel like we are acomplishing our dream, (or one of them) …Which will change the way we feel about ourselves and which will change the dynamic of our lives, forever.

But something always comes up.

The timing is just not right. I should wait until the kids get older. Maybe I am not prepared well enough. I just – I’m not ready. I can’t do it. It won’t be any good. I should/will wait until the PERFECT time, when everything and absolutely everything is in order. I don’t know how to start. It’s difficult.  I just…. 

Yeah, I’ve been there. Just turned 20 and already limiting myself to the negative comments my diffident mind has to say. Already ruled by fear. Already setting myself for failure and utter limitation.

So to you lovely readers, and myself, I ask the following:



Regardless of what many of us want to believe, there will be no magical SIGN telling you this is the right moment for you to start living your dreams and becoming who you want to become. There will be no fairy whispering into your ear to follow your dreams or no drums to announce the birth of a magnificent idea. No… NO. This is all you get. X amount of days, Air in your lungs, a thought, a burning desire, the knowledge and POWER to be great. The means to get as far as you want in life, if you simply (and literally) put your whole mind and heart to it. When you become the best you can be. When you work for it. When you understand that the best time, that time you are so desperately waiting for IS NOW.

THIS is your time to be great! This is your time to shine and accomplish all the things you want to, while you can. This is your time to make mistakes. This is your time to be courageous, brave; to reach out for what you want to. You don’t have to be young. You don’t have to limit yourself because you’ve reached a certain age. If you are breathing, you are capable of changing your train of thoughts, and therefore your life. You are capable of changing yourself.

If you think you are not good enough – don’t. People do not reach excellence by doubting themselves. They reach it by trusting themselves, by training themselves, by pushing themselves, by being the best they can possibly be.

Please get out there.

STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF. BELIEVE you ARE the person you want to be, TRUST you can get to that point in your life you want to reach. Have FAITH in your ideas, Have faith in yourself. Take it step by step. Take it week, by week. But please, start right now.

I promise you, it/you will only get better from here.



Best of luck,


My heart is numb.

My mind may wonder what to do next, but my heart is numb. That same heart that followed you along the darkest paths and into the dying night full of wolves, that lied to sleep in a bed of thorns, just to be close to your soul. And my mind yells at me to stand for what is right, while my anger points out all the reasons why I feel so numb inside. So what is right? Every time I look into your eyes I forget how to smile. A truth may hurt for a while, but a lie? Well, lies are the sort of things that create serious types of scars.

Lonely and I’m cool with it ~

I’ve always been a loner.

Growing up, I never really had many friends in school. Yes, there was the usual everyone’s your friend crap that would happen in any small-sized school, but then again, not really. Knowing a lot of people and being friends with a lot of people are two different things. I’m not saying I did not have any friends, because I did. I had friend over friend and then group over group as my life progressed. And one by one I left them all behind. Now I notice I was never really interested.

I think it started in Middle-School/High School. I was skipped a grade (7th) and was thrown into a bunch of people I didn’t know. I was the youngest, and apparently the smartest. But I’ve never been one to let any of that “If You’re school smart, You’re DEFINITIVELY Life smart” crap go to my head. I barely ever studied, but I had good grades and the highest academic and psychologically-tested (they used to test us at my school) average. That’s the end of it, and not the point of this. Point is I started seeing different characters and personalities. I got my first taste at hypocrisy, among many other things. I got my first taste at many things… I guess back then I sort of noted I was different.

I don’t know. I don’t know what to believe about it, I don’t know why I can’t truly feel connected to anyone for so long. I guess I am weird. I guess I am broken like that. I guess I am meant to travel this world alone.  Maybe I’m just meant to be an alien in my own land.  I guess I’m fucked up. I honestly don’t know. It’s not that I am emo, because I obviously am not. It’s not that I feel superior to others and hence cannot befriend them, because that -obviously- is not the case. It’s not that I have trouble speaking, because I am good at it. I guess I have trouble relating. I have trouble relating to people. Maybe I just have a trouble with people who live around me. My country -or my town- is filled with such troubled people, and it’s hard to find an honest couple of friends. I guess getting betrayed again and again causes people to change. I guess I’m just trying to feel more normal by saying stuff like this. But then again not really. As of right now I feel more comfortable being  friend-less than hanging out with a bunch of people who are full of sh.. Will that be my way of accepting that I am simply not made for that? Being no psychologist, I guess I’ll never know.

I partly enjoy being alone, it gives me inner peace, and THAT is something I do know 🙂

Only in dreams

Only in dreams are your words as soft as the biggest cloud on my sky…

and it is not your issue.

Only in dreams can I laugh and run like I used to,

feeling the wind on my skin as I run down the green hill…

Now, only in dreams.

Only in there am I free, disentangled

From whatever holds me down to you.

(love, I think they call it.)

I am loved like I want to,

You are as secure as you wish to.

Only in dreams is my smile unbroken.


© 2013, author writing as H. Stos. All rights reserved