My passions are messing with my head.

I have so many passions.

Ever since I can remember I have written. As a child, I remember filling notebooks and notebooks of what I called “novels“. I would make up stories, I would document things; I would just write and write.  I remember the stack of notebooks in my room and how sad I was when my mom couldn’t stand the mess anymore and just threw them all away. I wrote my first poem when my great-grandmother died. I was like seven. It was four pages long. when my mother read it she was shocked and held on to it until you couldn’t read anything anymore. I remember always having a notebook at hand, either a normal one or a sketch notebook, in which I would just draw sketches of clothing, shoes, and even hairdos (yes, hair styles hahaha) I remember all the little dolls I drew and all the little clothes I made up, filling each page with like 20 different items. Drawing mermaids all over the place. I remember feeling happy. I was a kid. Oh, I also love makeup. Like, a LOT!

Now, nineteen going into twenty I find myself feeling…confused. What should I do with my life? What is my true passion? Where should I go? … I started college at seventeen, and even though my dream job was to be a plastic surgeon, somehow the time seemed too much for me and a I changed four months before applying to the university to International Business. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love business. I love being competitive, and I love coming up with strategies and it fills me in a way, but being filled in one way is not happiness. Within the passing years I have realized I have a growing passion for Fashion and makeup, I started messing around with makeup since age thirteen, and whenever I look at an editorial picture or celebrity, that’s the first thing I notice. Regarding fashion, I have started to sketch my own designs and watch fashion shows non-religiously and read and read on fashion and follow over 30 fashion/beauty blogs on Bloglovin’ (not that I ever read them all). But, I love it. Would I dare to put my life on it and base my life around it? I don’t think I’m courageous enough.

I also want to be a writer, Oh so bad. It’s always been a dream of mine to have a published book, but it’s also been a dream of mine to have my own makeup line, and now I would love to have my own clothing line. Ugh, life is so hard when it comes to choosing who you’re going to be for the rest of your life. I guess I’ll do my best at trying to juggle everything, and slowly start dropping things when I realize -by practice- that you can’t do too many things at once and excel at them all.

Which will bring me back to my original dilemma: Which one do I hold on the strongest to?

You keep Forgetting, Child.

Sometimes we forget… We all do. 
We forget how the sun keeps setting day after day, regardless. 
We forget how the wind keeps whispering in people’s ears, globally.
We simply forget about life past tomorrow, life past today…
When we find ourselves drunk by the present day.
 

We must remember that there is always a tomorrow, and that our actions, for better or worse, will eventually BE consequences. That our steps, our words, our actions, and even our thoughts are leading us towards something, and it is our decisions that make that Something great, or make it Hell.

 

It turns out that today we must choose our tomorrow.

 

You~

You are you, you, and no one else but you.
It does not matter how other people live their life.
this life is yours, and you should live it based on your standards and not theirs.
It does not matter how many people have made different choices,
and are in different circumstances.
the only (circumstances) that matter are yours.
What you are going through, have gone through, and will go through
To become who you want to be and have who/what  you want to have.
Nothing else must matter. Your life is yours, not people’s.

-Oct. 8, 2012