The Loveliest Rendezvous

letitmarinate

Found refugee in his arms in my darkest nights.
The light at the end of the tunnel,
His breathtakingly gorgeous smile
That brings a shiver up my spine
Every… single… time…

Oh, he whispers lullabies in my ears,
My source of motivation.
He’s led me to salvation;
My source of Inspiration.

He’s got a set of angel eyes
That burn right through me.
Yet, I’ve been good at hiding
I’d surrender to him…

 

painting by Cory Jayde

Filters Off…

I miss you.

It hits me like waves and floods every part of me, pushing past my comfort zone. I wonder if it will stop soon enough. It comes and goes, it burns and floods, it angers and destroys.. But there it is… It comes when I least expect it, interrupting my perfect act of someone who’s perfectly moving on, erasing my smiles.. making me wish you were mine. And I go back to the start.

I wish I did not miss you. I wish the last two years were so easy to forget. But then  again, I don’t. Because I don’t want our story to be a sad, harsh yesterday. We loved, we laughed, we cried, we grew, we tried, we parted.. But I still love you like yesterday, even though I chose to go my separate way. And maybe that is what is holding me back to every memory of you, and why sometimes the simplest things brings back memories of you.  I walked away from someone I love, positive the wrong decision was to not do so.

I just wanted simple things. I just wanted simple love. I just wanted a relationship without all that control, such a sorrow to be in love and trapped into a prison of your own design… If only.

But sure, I miss you. I wish I did not, but I do. But I have grown strong enough to avoid the silly little fall-backs, and the tears that once came with such wave of missing you. I have grown strong enough to understand this is the best thing for ME. And, unless you ever truly change, it will forever be.

I miss you, then I remember this is what’s best, and stop.

-Ha♥

Anonymous Unedited [Rambling]

Here I find myself, listening to ‘The Hurry and the Harm’, wishing I had started this blog as an anonymous writer. Why? you may ask. Well, that’s pretty easy… So I can say anything and absolutely everything I want to say, without having to worry about someone who actually knows me finding it. No, I don’t have psycho thoughts about killing thousands of people. I don’t have a secret personality that worships the devil. I just think that – I have had all these thoughts and topics dancing in my head for the last month or so, and all I think is ‘Well, lady, you cannot post that’. It’s boring. It’s dull, it makes my blog  a “filtered” one, even though many posts have been writen at the moment of publishing… still, not how I saw myself blogging. 

I wish I were one of those girls who just did not give a fuck, who would write anything for whoever cares enough to read. But I am not. I used to post my posts on my Facebook wall when I first started THIS blog, back on Blogger, but I guess I just didn’t have as much to say as I did now, and it was mainly ‘poetry’. Or maybe it was because I was single and did not have to think of hurting anyone’s feelings…

Anyways, I said it. It’s been on my mind for weeks now.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the fact that people have reached out to me and contacted me to my personal email and found me on Facebook or Instagram. Fine with me. That is not the problem at all; I don’t want anyone to feel bad. I just sometimes wish I was a faceless, nameless girl writing on this blog.

Hugs and Kisses to anyone who gets to this line 🙂

-H.S.