You the sweet ocean and I the sun, to make the world a magical place, for a moment, each day.
I thought I had seen fire in his eyes,
One that had awakened my soul.
A fire so bright, dancing so gallantly, it made me smile and dance along.
I thought that he had golden veins due to the beauty in his heart, with the soft lullabies he whispered in my ears, he was a wish upon a star.
Yet, it turns out the fire I saw was but a reflection of my own eyes. Turns out I have golden veins, and speak in lovely lullabies. I just had failed to realize…
An Open Soul~
~ Mirrored your soul in mine and lost myself in the endeavor that is your smile.
Flew away, propelled by the soft wind that are your words,
and fell asleep to the lullaby of you .
Never lovers, always friends, dancing around the words we never say
hoping for a glance that never comes, always being strung along..
Colliding with myself with every thought of you. Weakness in my bones,
and it is all for you… all for you. ~
You told me once, you told me twice
that things would chance.
You painted diamonds in my sky,
yet it always looked the same.
Oh, those beautiful lies that your lips
whispered to me, carving scars in my skin.
Burning sorrows and crying golden parts of me.
A Little lie, every other day
to keep the thought of leaving you away.
What could I say?
I called it love.We called it love.
You traced lines along my curves
and kissed my hips, nude and soft.
Burning so softly, the candle lit.
Ending so smoothly, truth in between.
And I called it love.
We called it love.
You’ve never been mine.
Even though we’ve passionately twirled around each other’s bodies and desires.
Even though I’ve witnessed you sigh in admiration at my naked self…
Even though you’ve passionately felt me in the deepest part of your core,
and wished -even if just for a moment- that I was yours, and only yours.
I have never been yours.
Even though I have looked into your eyes and blushed,
because a simple look from you was enough.
Even though you have captivated every part of me, enamoured my soul.
Even after having you tenderly kissed me so deeply it reached my soul.
You have never been mine.
I have never been yours.
This was something I wrote a long ago, found among my drafts.
An Open Soul
Me and my thoughts.
My mind attacks itself
reviving broken memories.
What a way to live
giving into every tear
as an attempt to heal.
It’s never made me falter
Never affected my strength
The warm breeze is nothing but
a reminder of what could have gone next
Memories come crashing in
destroying everything as they please.
A power only anger can give.
I wholly give into myself
longing for that extra mile
that extra kiss, that extra smile
That extra day in our old lives.
(The sun rays lightly adorning
my hair as the wind softly kissed my face.
Your hand in mine.
I feel alive.
One of the first last times)
Your weakness strikes me
like a lighting.
A soul-crushing pain
it caused that not even alcohol
But you wouldn’t know.
I’ve always been a loner.
Growing up, I never really had many friends in school. Yes, there was the usual everyone’s your friend crap that would happen in any small-sized school, but then again, not really. Knowing a lot of people and being friends with a lot of people are two different things. I’m not saying I did not have any friends, because I did. I had friend over friend and then group over group as my life progressed. And one by one I left them all behind. Now I notice I was never really interested.
I think it started in Middle-School/High School. I was skipped a grade (7th) and was thrown into a bunch of people I didn’t know. I was the youngest, and apparently the smartest. But I’ve never been one to let any of that “If You’re school smart, You’re DEFINITIVELY Life smart” crap go to my head. I barely ever studied, but I had good grades and the highest academic and psychologically-tested (they used to test us at my school) average. That’s the end of it, and not the point of this. Point is I started seeing different characters and personalities. I got my first taste at hypocrisy, among many other things. I got my first taste at many things… I guess back then I sort of noted I was different.
I don’t know. I don’t know what to believe about it, I don’t know why I can’t truly feel connected to anyone for so long. I guess I am weird. I guess I am broken like that. I guess I am meant to travel this world alone. Maybe I’m just meant to be an alien in my own land. I guess I’m fucked up. I honestly don’t know. It’s not that I am emo, because I obviously am not. It’s not that I feel superior to others and hence cannot befriend them, because that -obviously- is not the case. It’s not that I have trouble speaking, because I am good at it. I guess I have trouble relating. I have trouble relating to people. Maybe I just have a trouble with people who live around me. My country -or my town- is filled with such troubled people, and it’s hard to find an honest couple of friends. I guess getting betrayed again and again causes people to change. I guess I’m just trying to feel more normal by saying stuff like this. But then again not really. As of right now I feel more comfortable being friend-less than hanging out with a bunch of people who are full of sh.. Will that be my way of accepting that I am simply not made for that? Being no psychologist, I guess I’ll never know.
I partly enjoy being alone, it gives me inner peace, and THAT is something I do know 🙂
Sometimes I think about you
and of your scratchy skin rough
against my neck.
Sometimes the moon reminds me of us,
and of the words I rhymed under your name.
Sometimes I pretend not to care.
Sometimes I give in in distress.